I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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