There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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