I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
