We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
