If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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