Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We left the knife in your bed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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