can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
