Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
