youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Randomize
