You're my little dorito
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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