I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Come share oat with me in your robe
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
