happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your cock deserves a montage
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
