I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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