I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
