The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
