4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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