i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
