You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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