im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
