Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
