went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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