Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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