Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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