I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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