They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
