You work out of a Hotel?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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