i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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