He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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