I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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