Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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