I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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