he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
