I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
