Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
