dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
