he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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