The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
