im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
