she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
