We won't sleep together?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
