OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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