yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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