I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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