You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
