Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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