thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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