Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
