You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
