for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
they're like a gay fantastic four
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
