so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
