k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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