She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize