also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
