I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
