i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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