I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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