Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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