we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They took my balls.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
