How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
