u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
