wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
