I could make wine with my vomit
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
