If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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