I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
