There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
