i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
