He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
