Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
