Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
