i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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