This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
