Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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