dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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