So drunk its hurt
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
