Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
