i would punch a child for taco bell
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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