there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
