you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I will be naked everywhere
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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