the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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