Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
