if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
