Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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