You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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