I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He better not be in your backpack
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
