420 ftw
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
