Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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