ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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